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| Jean on Mount Tamalpais |
It
was a beautiful Christmas with Jean, David, and Charles, despite a death in the family. This Christmas
was a time to enjoy and to savor vs. endure as in the previous year (and
previous six for Jean). Jean gave me an art coat and a book on love and I gave
her a lithograph and a book. A time to be born. I flew to Dallas Christmas
afternoon (see below) and Jean flew in a few days later and we celebrated the
New Year together. Though we were a little under the weather it was a good
time.
Amidst
the joy, sadness. I got the call two days before Christmas that Phana had
passed away. We spent a lot of time together over the past one and a half years
– long, long days of chemotherapy, hospitals and doctor’s offices in Houston
and Dallas, endless hours in the car. Phana was young and in some ways,
unfulfilled, yet she went through illness and death with bravery and equanimity
– and so fulfilled that last thing: an honorable death.
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| David and Jake, CK, Phana - Ocean Beach, August 2015 |
David
and I flew to Dallas on Christmas day for the funeral the next day. He spoke at
the service. A sad day.
Back
in Berkeley, back home, we were in a time of transition, which can be
difficult. But that’s the nature of things – changes, changes. (Looking out of
the bus window going past the Berkeley Art Museum I see a young man holding an
older man sagging in his arms.)
Days
rolling into days. These are the days… of the endless summer… days upon days in
Paradise. Magical mornings – waking sometime between 6 and 7, coffee in bed,
watching the astounding changes of colors and clouds in the sky through the
double doors with the Bay below and Mt. Tamalpais in the distance, and out of
bed around the crack of 9. A bowl of fruit and yogurt with toast and almond
butter for breakfast.
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| Grateful Dead Night at Ashkanaz - where we go dancing |
Most
days I go into the City to see David: Number 7 bus to downtown Berkeley, BART
to Embarcadero, MUNI to Castro, walking the stairs of Harvey Milk Plaza past
the rainbow escalator to the corner of Market and Castro. Walking down the
avenue to meet David for lunch (Starbelly, Harvey’s, the Vietnamese place,
Kasa, the usual places). Life unfolding – ahhhh – so beautiful!
Today
coming up out of the subway with Bombay Calling (It’s a Beautiful Day) on my
headphones flashing back to being in a little room in the Bombay airport with
Leslie very sick and there was nothing to do but give her water and watch the
cockroaches crawling on the wall… when you’re in a dream, time passes so
slowly, time passes so slowly, open up your heart…
Back
to MUNI, BART, Berkeley bus, home to Jean's house hanging high above the
San Francisco Bay.
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| Sunset over the Golden Gate (from deck) |
(In
the past months I’ve spent more time looking at the sky than ever before in my
life.)
In
the evening, sunset, a glass of wine before dinner, and after dinner, tea and a bowl.
Last night we “made hand love” – just hand to hand – for an hour or more. These
are the days!!!
Two-three
times/week we have dinner or otherwise meet up with some of Jean’s group (tribe?) of friends.
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| Mt. Tam., Pacific Ocean |
On
a beautiful January day (1/31) we drove to the Pacific side of Mount Tamalpais.
We walked along the Bolinas Ridge Trail, then on unnamed trails along the
sensuous rounded hills rolling off the mountain to a place in the sun and trees
overlooking the sea on one side and the hills on the other side. In the sun, in
the wind, in the golden afternoon, on the soft hilltop talking of love, of
people we love, of regrets, now dancing in the sun, embracing. Oh! As the sun
began to set and the cool rolled in we walked – a long walk – back to the car.
San Francisco rising like Atlantis in the far distance. Hail Atlantis! It was
an epic drive home. Neither of us felt like eating, so we took a long deep bath
together in the warm candle-lit bathroom.
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| Charles and Jean |
“The best days are the ones when I look around at all
these people in my life, these people in
my heart, and I think, This is it.”
We
got a massage table for Christmas and have each been getting a long massage at
least once every week. We spent last weekend (2/4-5) in little hippie town in
Marin County at a Esalen couples massage workshop. There were two other couples
signed up, but both cancelled, so it was just Jean and me with the instructor,
Nora. Somewhere along the line we both realized Nora is a master teacher. We
had a beautiful and very valuable experience, learning and practicing some
basics of Esalen massage.
Saturday
night (after the first day of class), we went to a dinner party at Linda and
Frank’s art house. To me, the dinner/gathering was an installation within an
installation. Someone at the party asked why we took the course/what is this
massage about (those were more or less the questions). Good question:
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| San Francisco in the far distance from Mt. Tam |
- Esalen massage is about the connection between the person giving and the person getting the massage… loving, expressing love, receiving love, uniting.
- It’s about feeling good deep inside, a sense of well-being.
- Relaxing.
- Esalen massage is about opening to self, connecting, experiencing one’s own (and another’s) body and mind.
Notes
from the class are at the end of this post.
I’ve
read two books in the past month. How to
Survive a Plague by David France is an account of the AIDS epidemic and the
appalling lack of response on the part of the government, healthcare system,
and society to the suffering and death of gay men – and the magnificent efforts
of AIDS activists such as the ACT-UP group to force a response.
The
book is a triumph of love and strength.
I
lived in the Castro for about two years, first with Leslie and then alone. I
loved it. I was surrounded by people hated and attacked for being – and their individual
and community response? They take the word “gay” to describe themselves and
their culture. They dance. They hold together. They create. They BE. We be.
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| The Castro |
Michael
Callen (one of the early AIDS activists), on Christmas day, 1993:
“… just repeats like a mantra: life is good. Life is
good.”
“I realize some people could look at my life and say,
‘Oh it was so sad. He died of AIDS and isn’t that tragic.’ But what I want to
come through is that even after all the pain and all the torture, and even
having AIDS, I can honestly say that being gay is the greatest gift I was ever
given. I wouldn’t change it for the world.”
When all his friends had spoken their farewells that
afternoon, Callen signed his last will and testament and then turned up the
dial on his morphine drip, sliding into a deep and lasting sleep.
The
other book is A Book About Love by
Jonah Lehrer, given to me by Jean. It started out as kind of a feel-good book,
then turned into something deeper. Ultimately it was an extravagant affirmation
of living life and loving to the fullest. Loving in the face of joy, suffering,
work, getting tired of it all, in the face of death, in need, in strength and
weakness, for better, for worse, in life.
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| Meeting of minds: Marcia and Jean in Marcia's garden |
Esalen couples massage notes, taken at Nora Matten’s class, 2/4-5/2017
(website: http://www.noramatten.com/)
(website: http://www.noramatten.com/)
Have
supplies ready, warm room, music, lighting.
Begin
with talking about intentions, connecting with the other person, dancing each
part of the body, mindfulness meditation.
Start
– back
Bolster
under ankles.
From
beginning, work to relax the person.
LEs
and UEs, use deeper strokes except with varicosities, injuries, etc.
Up-strokes
are more invigorating (increased force) and down-strokes are more calming (decreased force).
Avoid
surprises, be intentional re everything. Commit to the stroke.
Work
with one foot back (sometimes), heart open,
Come
into myself, including awareness of pain, discomfort…
3-fold
towel under shoulders diagonally
Introducing
myself… Slowly lower hands to lower back and behind the heart. Not doing, just
being. Breathe. Breathe with the person.
There
is a beginning (pause, rocking, long strokes), middle (detail work), end (long
strokes, pause).
Jean:
Push - rocking.
Now
“long, flowing strokes… signature of Esalen massage” – entire body, including
head. SLOW. Always come back to this – integrating.
Pause,
still integrating.
Stay
comfortable.
After
long and slow, pull sheet partially down, then fold to center of body.
Oil
hands and arms – will use both.
Start
shoulders, back… three dimensional, circular… follow the 3-D landscape. Reach
over and pull up on side. Commit to the stroke – complete, e.g., off toes and
fingers. Go slow. Use forearms – for increased weight.
Sit
with sheet over leg to work on shoulder.
Hands,
inclu ROM
Then
bring arm forward to rest on stool.
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| Photo from the showers at Esalen, beside massage rooms |
Always
come back to the long strokes.
Head
now or after pulling sheet up.
LEs,
inclu toes. ROM.
Draw
sheet slowly up. Stroke on top of sheet.
Come
to child’s pose. Lift sheet so can turn over.
Face up
Adjust
bolster to under knees, towel under head.
Long
and slow.
Work
on shoulder and chest.
Pause
Go
under shoulder, embracing.
Arms,
hands (interlock fingers), rotate wrist.
Long
and slow
Pause
Legs
Finish
long and slow all the way off feet
Head
last
Roll
with hands
Face,
brows, easy on temple, ears, occiput, scalp
Use
towel to roll head side to side – towel over eyes.
Finish
long and slow all the way off feet.
