Early on in hospice I realized that often, those with the most to lose at the end of life have the easiest time. By the most to lose, I mean fulfilling relationships vs. a lot of unresolved issues like love unexpressed, anger swallowed, love lost, and so on. In terms of my grief, this has been The Truth. We lived and loved as hard as we could – all in, all the time. I am so glad we did it that way!
|Flagging in the Park, June 2015|
There were times in that last month of Leslie’s beautiful life when love would come down around us as clearly and palpably as if I’d taken a large dose of mescaline. It wasn’t just a momentary thing either – it would be for hours, even days. Aldous Huxley wrote about heaven and hell. That’s what it was.
And there are those questions I asked weeks and months ago: who will I tell my stories to and who will hold me as I pass away? And the answers I’ve found in this embrace and honoring of my grief are that the stories have been told and we’ve held one another and so it’s ALL complete. It’s done. I want more, of course.
I can say these things in large part because of the steadfast love and support from David. Having a son like David is like having a wife like Leslie – more than I could have imagined. Ahhh, Son. I love you. John, Jeff, Aletha, Nora, and so many others play important parts as well.