Sunday, July 14, 2013

Backpacking essentials

Boom!
I was talking with a man named Stephen about backpacking. Out of that conversation I decided to post kind of an annotated listing of the main things I’ve posted on backpacking. Hopefully it will be helpful to someone in addition to me.

What to take, including a little on car camping.

Backpacking food, including links such as the freezer-bag cooking site (fbc is where it's at, food-wise.)

In the Cirque of the Towers in southern Wind Rivers - Lonesome Lake
Car-camping in Colorado – good places for car camping. Copied from another website.

Maroon Bells is a great four day hike at high altitudes. Some people say it is the premier Colorado trek. Stephen - highly recommended - in a Natl Forest area, so not as many restrictions as a Natl Park.

The Wind River Mountains are my favorite mountains and this was my epic hike in the Winds.

I was a climber, a hiker, and a camper when I was young. But after two years in the Marine Corps, including 13 months sleeping on the ground in Vietnam I’d had enough of the outdoors. In 2007 I saw a photo my son had taken in Colorado and suddenly the mountains were calling. Over Thanksgiving 2007 I went on a backpacking trip to Big Bend with the Sierra Club. Something magical happened (copied from a trip report)…

Watching the sun come up out of Mexico, 
New Years morning 2008
When I got up the next morning I walked into the woods to urinate and as I unzipped I heard a sound off to my right. I looked and about 30 feet away (I later paced it off – 10 paces) was a mountain lion standing sideways to me, looking at me. Big, beautiful tawny, big eyes. I flashed on Juana, a Mexican woman I know who has power over animals and I did what I though Juana would: I said “Hello, how are you” and went ahead and peed. Meanwhile the cougar watched me, sneezed a few times, sat down and licked her chest. I finished, zipped up and said something like “I hope I see you later” and walked away. When I looked back she was still sitting there, watching me.  A little while later at breakfast I told the people in my group what had happened and several of the men went to see if they could see it (they assumed it was a male, I thought it was a female – we later found out which it was).

Two days later… In the morning the tents
On the Highline Trail in the Winds - Jeff in tent
were covered in (granular) ice an inch thick in some places. The plan was to break camp and hike to the lodge for breakfast and then hike out of the mountains. Taking the tent down was soooo slow, with so much ice (inside the tent, too) and my fingers icy cold and then numb and kind of hot feeling – how many times long ago climbing had they felt that way – knocking the ice off and untying lines and then the lion returned and began to scream. I saw it again, about 40 feet away, watching us. It stalked our camp, screaming and hissing 5-10 times as we broke camp. 

Later I learned that I shouldn’t have turned my back on the cougar – and I thought about that. BUT, I felt like it was important to be cool and backing away seemed inconsistent with cool.

Planning calendar (when to go where)


Asia
Grnd Can
Rocky
Mts
Sierra
Utah
Big Bend
N Cali
Appa
New
Mex 
Okla &
Ark
Jan 
x




x
x

 X
 x 
Feb 
x



x
(wet)

 X
 x 
Mar 
x
x


x

(wet)

 X
 x
Apr 
x
x


x

(wet)

 x
 x
May 
x
x


x

(wet)


 x 
June 



x


x



July 


x
x


x



Aug 


x
x


x



Sep 
x
x
x
x


x


  x 
Oct 
x
x


 x
 x
x

x 
 x
Nov 
x
x


 x
 x
x

 X
 x
Dec 
x




 x
x

 X
  x 

Year-round: Lost Coast, some other Cali, Oklahoma (see below)
Winter: Asia, Big Bend, Big Bend State Park (links above), Grand Canyon, Buckskin Gulch/Paria Wilderness in Utah
Spring: Big Bend, Arkansas, Oklahoma - also see winter
Summer: Colorado, Wyoming, Montana
Local (N TX): Texoma, Dinosaur, Mineral Wells State Park
Other close TX & OK: Bastrop, Hill Country (close Dec & Jan)

Other backpacking posts










Our campsite in Titcomb Basin, Wind River Mountains - Deep Magic

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Hospice visions, the way our house smells, an extraordinary woman


In the early days of hospice we knew we were in uncharted waters.

We were doing something new, something beautiful.

It was visionary.

We were in the valley of the shadow of death.

Every day, all day.

It was all a vision - something like hospice as we did it doesn't emerge from ordinary consciousness.

One of our patients. Photo by Debora Hunter (featured at the Smithsonian
Museum of Fine Arts, Hirschorn Museum). Spend some time with this
photo. Make it big. You'll be glad you did 
There are songs and there are songs and this song (below) is deep in the foundation and structure of my life and love. First, it is a tribute to Leslie and how she was with me in the darkest hours. It also tells exactly why we were there in hospice, choosing to go into the valley.

In the attics of my life, full of cloudy dreams unreal.
Full of tastes no tongue can know, and lights no eyes can see.
When there was no ear to hear, you sang to me.

I have spent my life seeking all that’s still unsung.
Bent my ear to hear the tune, and closed my eyes to see.
When there was no strings to play, you played to me.

In the book of loves own dream, where all the print is blood.
Where all the pages are my days, and all the lights grow old.
When I had no wings to fly, you flew to me, you flew to me.

In the secret space of dreams, where I dreaming lay amazed.
When the secrets all are told, and the petals all unfold.
When there was no dream of mine, you dreamed of me.
(Attics of My Life, Grateful Dead)

We set out consciously to be and sometimes we were the singer, the player, the flier, the dreamer… healing.

We believed, we were committed to the idea that people should not be alone in their time of dying. We always started with the pain, dyspnea, nausea, etc. Then the psychological-emotional-social-spiritual work and the unfolding could begin. Sometimes the purpose of life realized in those last days: Reconciliation with self, with others, with God.

A dream manifested in hard, hard work in the face of suffering and death in the deep heart of the night.

http://www.texasmonthly.com/story/passing Dick Reavis captured the spirit of hospice in this article (though he misrepresented me). 

----------------------
Country sourdough cheese bread. Whoa!

Today the front rooms of our home smell of the lavender from the big plant that hangs into the street in front of our home. Yesterday I accidently broke a 2 foot branch of rosemary from one the plants by our sidewalk, so that branch is perfuming the back of the house.

This home often smells of bread baking (even the rising of the sourdough has a wonderful fragrance). It smells of pies or cookies in the oven, of coffee being ground, of pecans or walnuts roasting, of almonds being ground. The kitchen smells of chillis, onion, garlic, cilantro, citrus, basil, lemon grass, mint, curries.

The prayer wheel in the front room turns with the breeze from the fan…

------------------------

Leslie (see my Facebook homepage for more recent photo)
I was lying beside Leslie, thinking that I know many nice people, many good people, many competent people, many beautiful people, but I know very few people who have been as merciful with so many people for as long a time with as much competence and complete selflessness as Leslie. She gave it away like it was water.

All that and our life together, making love with Leslie!!!

My soul.

These are the days.


Monday, June 24, 2013

Love, Mountains, Psytrance, War...


She said, “It’s deep and intimate.” And I said, “What more could anyone want?” 
----------------
Chops WanderWeird, an artist and Jeff - generations, at NET

I’ve been planning on hiking the Elk Park/Chicago Basin loop in the Weminuche Wilderness this summer. It’s a little over 40 miles and close to the end the trail passes the Chicago Basin, a beautiful alpine area surrounded by some of the biggest mountains in Colorado. I’ve been wanting to do it, but not inspired. This morning I thought, why not just hike the other way and get to the basin in about 9 miles? Hang out in the rock and tundra and snow and wind for a few days and suddenly I’m inspired. I realize I don’t have to do epic hikes. Whew, what a lightening. Why would I want to do an epic hike? Because I can, or maybe because I could, and because the rewards are so great, e.g., Northern Wind Rivers. But I don’t seem to have the push now.
----------------
The stage Friday night. Saturday night the lights really came on.

Last weekend we had the annual Atrium Obscurum psytrance gathering (New Era Transmissions) in the deep woods of East Texas. It was a deep experience for many of us – a transformational gathering. There were just over 200 people camping, talking, dancing, in an amazing sparkling now – together. The music started about 9pm Friday and continued without cease until 1 pm Sunday.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFPPAArPHeE

We worked hard setting up, keeping it going, and taking it down. Happy to say that cleanup was close to zero – a few cigarette butts was about it.

From my Facebook post: I want to say that I am proud to have worked with AO on NET – not in a prideful sense, but in a humbled sense of having helped create something beautiful. I’m grateful to be part of this good work. And I had a really good time. Big respect and appreciation for all the AO crew.
---------------
Sometime Saturday. Rope, one of the people I camped with in green shirt

Leslie, Sometimes we meet in the hall or somewhere and it’s almost unreal. Like in a dream.
----------------

From the book The Hill Fights: The First Battle of Khe Sanh, p. 94-95 (This section is about a Marine named Montgomery): “When he came to… blood flowing from shrapnel wounds. ‘I looked around. No one else was there. Mortar shells still exploding… I crawled on all fours to a bomb crater. I hurt too bad to go any farther so I started calling for help. Two Marines hiding in another crater answered. As soon as I told them I was wounded, they crawled over and patched me up.’ (Montgomery asked them to take his photo.) With mortar shells crashing behind them, the man took Montgomery’s picture.”
Part of Atrium Obscurum crew at Friday morning meeting
Willa, person I don't know, Nick, Kitty, Laura, Luis, Jessica reading,
and Dawn standing

I was the one who took his photo. What he didn’t mention was that he was covered in blood, smiling (going home – if the medevac isn’t shot down), and shooting me the finger – so long, sucker. I’ll think about your dumb ass out here in the boondocks while I’m laying up in a hospital eating ice cream and checking out the nurses
--------------------.

This was written in 2005, on what I thought was my last trip to Hong Kong: On what I thought was probably the last Star Ferry ride of my life I'm staring across the harbor, feeling the engines throbbing under the deck, feeling nostalgic ... a little girl, maybe 4 or 5 years old, sitting right behind me in her Dad's lap - starts singing over and over again, first in English and then in Chinese ...
"Row row row your boat,
Gently down the stream.
Merrily merrily merrily,
Life is but a dream.
"
Another grace note for the trip.

The AO DJ set-up. Sunday about noon
On the last day David and I went to Big John's cafe on either Lock or Hankow Road, parallel to Nathan Road. Big John's is a small place serving Chinese and western foods - including salads that seem safe. Always good vibes in Big John's. This last time the music included the song from long ago...
"Those were the days my friend,
We thought they'd never end,
We'd sing and dance forever and a day.
We'd live the life we'd choose,
We'd fight and never lose,
Those were the days,
Oh yes, those were the days.
"

Of course I'm thinking of Leslie - talk about nostalgic - yet thinking, yeah, that's pretty much how it's turning out. These are the days.

Rode that big 747 to Taipei, on to LA, and then Dallas. Home. 
Charles Kemp, working on decos
---------------

The other day someone said (rationalizing giving up his dreams), “You can’t change the world.”
---------------

Reality, when I experience Leslie…
© What I see now
© What I remember
© What is real/50+ years of loving

------------------- 

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Money for changing the world

For KLS, who recently got a job in grant-writing and for BR, who is carrying the vision forward – and for anyone else who can use the information. What follows is a slightly edited version of a handout for a presentation I made at a Temple University conference on Primary Care for the Underserved. The focus is on grass-roots organizations, naturally, and is based on 30+ years of grant-writing and millions of dollars in grants received. This is a distillation of pretty much everything I learned along the way. As always, thanks to Professor Al Shapero at UT Austin School of Business Administration.

Thoughts on Program Planning and Development
Estevan Garcia, MD, Children's Medical Center ED and
Charles Kemp, FNP, Baylor University Community Health
Volunteering at the Agape Clinic

Steps

1. Provide real services to people: As noted elsewhere, too many people spend too much time planning and talking. A good idea is the essential first step, but many steps remain. Few grants are awarded on the basis of a good idea or even a need. Granting organizations want to know if you have the ability to provide services that make a difference in people's lives.

2. Explore the problem and resources: This includes providing services – the best means of exploring the problem & solutions:
  • The problem itself (e.g., refugee health or diabetes prevention or whatever) and related areas such as infectious diseases, access problems, cultural issues, immigrant health issues, etc. 
  • Strengths and constraints of the organization primarily responsible for delivering services.
  • Community resources and attitudes.
This is not a literature review, but rather a problem and a dynamic community assessment that is only the first step in the planning process. Too often, a model or plan is fixed early in the process, e.g., we’re going to do parish nursing and this is what parish nursing looks like. Bad planning. Deciding on a plan of action before the problem is understood in its entirety is a mistake. The community assessment is modified as new data emerges and new funding sources arise. Throughout the planning process . . . (see #3 below)

3. Identify potential partners and funding sources; begin planning the project. Researching potential funding sources is an ongoing effort throughout the life of the organization. Funding sources to research should include foundation, corporate, religious, civic, individual, and government (federal, state, and local).

Plans must address the needs of the client population and the desires of funding source(s). Cooperation with other providers is a hallmark of successful proposals. Internally, plans must fit with organization funding development plans. Externally, plans must sometimes be adapted to funding organization constraints. Be flexible! Please note that plans are not yet set.

Write the proposal/finish planning. Creative, effective proposals evolve from a strong understanding of the problem, the community, and a lot of hard work. Proposals/plans must be clearly written, responsive to all requirements of funding sources, show the organization as businesslike and well-managed, and at the same time, be creative. If guidelines are given, plans must be responsive to the guidelines. Using evaluation criteria as a format for the proposal is sometimes possible.

4. Start over again. Rest for a few days and begin again. Successful research, planning, and writing are part of an ongoing process and for me, a lot of failure on the way to success.

Tip. In working on a specific project or a new organization I never sent the first proposal to the best prospect. The more times I reworked a proposal, the better it got. Responding to different sets of guidelines from different organizations taught me different ways of seeing and saying things.

Characteristics of Successful Grant Proposals
  • Responsive to all directions and requirements of the funding source.
  • Meet a specific and recognized (by the funding source) need.
  • Will be carried out by knowledgeable persons who have a history of success.
  • Directed at a population (vs. organization). Funding sources invest in programs to help people. Few give money to help organizations.
  • Innovative and well organized plan of action with reasonable dates for objectives to be achieved.
  • Workable management plan - business acumen is essential.
  • Evaluation plan that will measure and communicate outcomes or impact.
  • Reflect community support in the form of cooperative agreements for organizations to work together.
  • Realistic budget that is neither to high nor to low.
  • Will reflect well on the funding source.
  • Will not die when the current funding runs out - and it always does run out.
  • Carefully written abstract (when an abstract is required). Often the abstract or cover letter makes or breaks the proposal.
Tip. RFPs often have unrealistic deadlines. Tough luck.  That’s just one way of weeding out the unprepared/unqualified. All you can do is bear down and work smart. Everyone else is in the same boat.

Commonly Needed Supporting Documents for Grant Proposals (Start a file NOW - establishing a file of these is part of grantsmanship. Be sure none of this info is dated)
  • 501(c)(3) documents
  • Financial audit letter (if organization is 3+ years old)
  • Organization Chart, including volunteers
  • List of board members, including employment and committee assignments
  • Job descriptions for primary staff
  • Resumes of primary staff (grant-oriented, not employment)
  • Article of Incorporation
  • By-laws
  • Franchise Tax Certificate
  • List of person/agencies likely to support (for obtaining letters of cooperation/ support – which, of course, are about specifics of working together vs. fan letters)
  • Current organization statistics, especially outcomes
  • Listing of current contributors, including in-kind
  • PHS Grants Policy Statement
  • Federal Regulations, Title 45 CFR, Parts 74 and 92 (only if applying for federal grants – which is very complicated)

Steps to Forming a Nonprofit Organization

  • Provide services to clients: Too many people spend too much time planning and talking. Face it. Most of us have good ideas. Few grants are awarded on the basis of a good idea or even a need. Granting organizations want to know if you have the ability to provide services that make a difference in people's lives.
  • Decide purpose and structure.
  • Form initial board of directors.
  • Obtain IRS 1023 application – this document is a great guide to forming a nonprofit! Everything they require is a good thing and something you need.
  • File articles of incorporation.
  • Draft bylaws.
  • Set program plan (mission, goals and objectives, plans of action, and management plan).
  • Develop budget.
  • Develop fund raising plan.
  • Hold formal organizational meeting (elect board of directors).
  • Apply for liability insurance.
  • Establish a record keeping system.
  • File IRS 1023 application [for 501(c)(3)] designation.
  • File Charitable Trust Registration is required.
  • File Employer Registration (federal and state) for income tax withholding.
  • Apply for state sales tax exemption if necessary.
  • Implement the fund raising plan.
  • Register with state unemployment insurance.
  • Apply for nonprofit bulk mail permit (if sending several mailings of over 200 pieces in 12 month period).
  • Develop personnel policies.
  • Begin program activities.
  • Hire staff, obtain space, deliver services, etc.
Continue (1) documenting outcomes and (2) writing proposals and otherwise raising funds.


Saturday, May 25, 2013

Into the mystic


Kneading the dough
Take the F-Line down Market to downtown and BART to the Berkeley Rockridge Station. From the station walk a block or so up College and catch the 49B bus to Claremont and get off at the Star Market. Stop in at SemiFreddi’s Bakery for a cinnamon roll and then to the Star for bread (kalamata olive) and French roast coffee ($1 for large cup, which we split). Sitting at a table on the tree-covered sidewalk – huge trees all about, hills, flowers, homes, people walking, children, dogs…

Later I was thinking, how completely cool is it to be in Berkeley, to know our way around parts of it, to be here now on Claremont, here on Telegraph Avenue, here at Sproul Plaza, home of the Free Speech Movement, here in Cali.

Back in The City, lying in bed, sometimes we can hear a foghorn blowing, like when we walk from the end of the bus line at Land’s End, through flowers and the sea and sky.

Smell the sea and feel the sky,
Let your soul and spirit fly… into the mystic.
A few minutes walk from the end of the 38L bus line.


And when that fog horn blows, I will be coming home.
And when that fog horn blows, I want to hear it…
I don't have to fear it,
I want to rock your gypsy soul,
Just like way back in the days of old,
Then magnificently we will float into the mystic.
(Van Morrison)

Hangin’ on a corner in The Castro, watching all the pretty people passing by and these immortal words from Bob Dylan running through my mind: “Equality, I spoke the word as if a wedding vow." Not really thinking so much of the equality of marriage equality, but the equality of being free, the equality of being free to love openly, free to be real and happy, free To Be. San Francisco.

Here it comes, the F-line streetcar
Another day, F-Line to Haight and 71 up Haight to Golden Gate Park, around the park and get off (I think) at 9th. Walk along, Boom!, down a path to the Shakespeare Garden, understated, quiet, all period plants like sweet brier rose and old-timey daisies, gardener feeding the squirrels, baby girl chasing the squirrels, jaybird stealing the squirrel’s food, baby girl’s Mom, us. Sweet.

It’s not that we do all that much with David other than being together in the evenings. The main thing is just to be close. Kind of part of his and Charles’ life. Right now there is a 6 month old German shepherd, Jake, so there’s a lot going on with a big inquisitive and very young dog. David and I walked him every evening, so that was pretty grand. Thinking back on trips with David: Boston, Berkeley, Saigon, Hanoi, Hong Kong, Bangkok, Phnom Penh – good times, magical times.

Jake threw up one evening, so while David cleaned up the mess I read this story aloud to him and Leslie: Re-gifting is better than re-eating (12/26/2007): About 3:30am
Quote from Allen Ginsberg at bus stop
today Leslie was awakened by Buddy retching. She was too late to get him out of the house, so he threw up on the living room rug. What came up was mostly chunks of the bone he had eaten earlier (his Christmas bone), and by the time she got back to the living room with paper towels, etc., he was re-eating one of the chunks. So it's 3:30 in the morning and Leslie is wrestling with Buddy, trying to get the chunk of bone out of his great big, muscle-bunched pit bull mouth (thinking that if he ate it sooner or later she would see that little beauty yet again) all the while trying to not step in the barf. What a cute little doggie we have. Wait! Stop the Presses! The bone was Buddy's Christmas bone, so actually, he re-gifted and re-ate! 

Earlier I played After All This Time by Rodney Crowell. “After all this time, you’re always on my mind… I still want you.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyILPu0HSVA
From our front porch, early April 2013

When I die, nobody should feel sad on my account. If you’re one of the few who will really miss me, then sure, sad.

But here’s the thing: I’m fulfilled. Of course I would have liked more time. More time with Leslie and David, with you – and one more Asia trip, one more San Francisco trip, one more backpack, one more psy gathering, one more time to bake bread, and so on. But I have loved and been loved, lived my beliefs, had a happy home, had a beautiful son, had a grand partnership with Leslie, had many adventures, and so much more – really, it’s been amazing!