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| Annual cover, Thomas Jefferson High School |
Except for the yearbook cover and the last photo, the pictures here are from
Leslie’s iPhone… the world through her eyes.
Days of innocence; days of family secrets.
Everything was perfect back then and it was of utmost
importance to maintain that myth – within individuals, families, communities,
cultures…
Of course there were true good parts too, sweet things,
beautiful things. Leslie and I fell in love during these days – when we all really
did look kind of like the photo on the annual cover. We fell in love in that
environment, that consciousness.
Then along came youth culture, the consciousness revolution,
the sexual revolution, civil rights, women’s liberation, the war, the peace
movement, all of that – we were the first rock & roll generation. It was a
decade like no other before or since in the history of the world!
Now, there are still family secrets, but now there are places
to go for help. Now it is a crime for teachers, doctors, nurses, etc. to not
report suspected child abuse. Now there is awareness. Now the interview with
the child and the police is not a bleeding nightmare for the victim (Respect
and Love to Det. Lt. Walsh and Asst. DA Karnutsis – sorry about the spelling.
They made it happen in Dallas). For the
times they are a’changing.
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| A photograph of love |
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Now I know what a Majestic Feeling is.
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1967… I would hear someone say, “_______ is so beautiful.”
I’d think, “She’s not so beautiful.” Or someone would say, “He’s a beautiful
person,” and I’d think, “What! He’s a guy. A guy can’t be beautiful.” But then
my mind opened and I realized she is
beautiful; he is beautiful; and most
incredible of all, I am beautiful!”
When you find out who you
are,
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| David in our Noe apartment, fall 2014 |
Beautiful, beyond your dreams
If someone had asked me if I ever dreamed myself as
beautiful, I’d have thought they were crazy. Yet somewhere deep inside, from
the beginning, deeper than consciousness, deeper than words I did dream of being beautiful. I awakened
and became beautiful (you know, now and again).
At the same time, Leslie was showing me, loving me how to do
beautiful… and I was reaching out, reaching beyond my misperceptions about
myself and thus my misperceptions about others.
Another factor in the awakening was war. I came out of that
war wounded, sick, soul-sick, skinny, tense, with violence barely below the
surface – yet in all that, committed to somehow never lose track of the war,
never lose track of being alive.
For the ones who had a
notion,
A notion deep inside,
That it ain’t no sin to be
glad you’re alive.
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| One of our hangouts - patio at Thorough Breads |
These things worked together in the creation of who and what
I might be: the war-driven drive to be fully alive, Leslie’s love and the
example of her life, and the changes in my consciousness.
How could anyone ever tell
you, you were anything less than beautiful.
How could anyone ever tell
you, you were less than whole.
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People say things. Sometimes I’m staggered at what people
have endured and how some things resonate all through people’s lives. Sometimes
it’s extraordinarily difficult, even impossible to “choose to be happy.” Here’s
to the ones who have endured – and to those who didn’t endure. And a Curse on
those who cause such pain.
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| On Market Street |
I
wrote this in 2008: I was in the Parkland Psychiatric Emergency Room, in one of
the little interview rooms with a woman, her daughter, her granddaughter, and
one of my students. Their story was that the grandmother had learned that her
husband was molesting her granddaughter – just as he had molested her daughter.
“He’s not going to get away with it again, God-damn him.” There is a curse – the real thing.
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Two hard days the past few days. Otherwise I’m doing pretty
well. There have been days in the past few weeks that I’ve actually not been more than ready for the day to be over(!).
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| 2015 |
Today I finished cleaning the house for Christmas. Part of
the cleaning was moving everything off Leslie’s shrine so I could dust and rub
the wood with oil, then put everything back. Of course everything in/on the
shrine is of the greatest significance and I was sad and grateful and lonely
for some hours.
I’ll be out shopping or whatever and see so many
couples. It’s like that’s our natural state – in relationship.
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